Raising Independent Kids the Montessori Way: A Playbook for Home and School

If you’ve ever watched your child in a Montessori classroom, you might be amazed by how independently they pour water, tie their shoes, or tidy up after themselves. Yet at home, it sometimes feels like you’re living with a pint-sized negotiator who suddenly “can’t” put on socks or pick up their toys. Sound familiar? You’re not alone-and there’s a reason for this difference.

Children can help with gardening

Montessori Independence: More Than Just a Classroom Thing

Montessori education is all about fostering independence by giving children real-life tasks and trusting them to handle them. At school, kids are set up for success: everything is at their level, routines are consistent, and teachers patiently step back, letting kids struggle a bit and then succeed on their own. This builds confidence, problem-solving skills, and a sense of accomplishment that lasts a lifetime.

But here’s the kicker: independence doesn’t stop at the classroom door. The same principles can-and should-be part of your home playbook. When you give your child time, space, and the right tools, you’re helping them build skills that will serve them for life.

What Does Independence Look Like at Home?

• Self-Dressing: Encourage your child to pick out and put on their own clothes. Make choices simple and accessible - try keeping two or three shirts in a low drawer, easy-on pants, and shoes with Velcro closures. Yes, it may take a little longer at first, but that’s how real learning happens. If your child says, “I can’t,” remember: in the classroom, they probably can (and do). Often, “I can’t” means “I’d rather not right now,” or “I want you to do it for me.” Stay patient, give them time, and resist the urge to step in too quickly.

  If your child puts their shoes on the wrong feet or their pants on backwards, let it be-unless it’s a safety issue, there’s no need to correct them. Pointing out “mistakes” can make children hesitant to try new things. When we allow them to learn through experience, we nurture their natural drive to be independent and capable.

• Shoes for Success: Fostering Independence from the Ground Up

  When it comes to school footwear, choosing shoes your child can easily put on and take off by themselves is about much more than convenience - it’s a powerful step toward building their independence. Velcro straps or slip-on styles are ideal because they allow children to confidently manage their own shoes without needing adult help.

  In Montessori education, we introduce shoe-tying skills using a special lacing frame designed to teach the steps patiently and clearly. Once your child feels confident with the frame, practicing on actual shoes becomes a natural next step. To support their success and avoid frustration, it’s best to wait until they can tie their own laces before sending them to school in lace-up shoes.

• Chores as Teamwork: Involve your child in real tasks: making breakfast, packing their lunch, helping with groceries, or cleaning up after a project. These aren’t “chores” in the adult sense- they’re opportunities for your child to feel capable and needed.

• Decision-Making: Offer choices within limits, “Do you want to wear your red shirt or your blue shirt?” or “Would you like to help set the table or sweep the floor?” This gives your child a sense of control and responsibility.

  
  

  Watch a short video about independence here

  
  

We Like to Use Sports Analogies

Think of fostering independence like coaching a team or teaching a new skill. You wouldn’t tie your kid’s cleats every practice, you’d show them, let them try, and cheer them onto the field. The same goes for getting dressed, packing a backpack, or helping in the kitchen.

• Game Day Prep: Just like you wouldn’t send your child to the field without the right gear, send them to school in clothes and shoes they can manage on their own. It’s about setting them up for success and building their confidence.

• Practice Makes Progress: Let your child struggle a little - it’s like missing a shot in basketball or fumbling a football. That’s where real learning happens. Give them time, step back, and watch their skills grow.

• Don’t Get Played: If your child claims, “I can’t do it,” remember: kids are smart, and sometimes they’re testing boundaries. Encourage them to try, offer help only when truly needed, they'll thank you (and you'll thank yourself), in the long run!

  
  

Bringing It All Together

Montessori independence isn’t just for the classroom; it’s a way of life. By trusting your child’s abilities, giving them real responsibilities, and letting them take the lead, you’re helping them become confident, capable, and ready for whatever life throws their way.

So next time your child insists they “can’t” put on their shoes, channel your inner coach: give them the tools, the time, and the encouragement to try. You’ll be amazed at what they can do- and so will they.

Ready for a Challenge?

Pick one area, maybe self-dressing or helping with breakfast, and make it your summer project. At the end of the summer, write a lighthearted “season recap” with your child, just like you would after a big game. Celebrate the wins, laugh at the fumbles, and get ready for another great year of growth.